So tired. So crazy.

I've been sleeping a lot. Like a lot. Yesterday I never changed out of my pajamas.

Been nesting a lot too. Doing newborn laundry, setting up cribs, washing cars, strollers. Collecting feeding materials and begging for free stuff on the Pacifica Mothers Club email forum. Giving away and cleaning out stuff we don't need.

Eating lots, but not necessarily well. Lots of cookies mostly. Drinking lots of water. Taking lots of stool softeners. Joy.

Reading Storm of Swords (book 3 in Song of Ice & Fire Series, George RR Martin). This is one of the only things keeping me from going crazy in my head -  waiting and obsessing over my baby being born. If I don't read or watch movies and/or tv online I cannot clear my head of her. She is like an ever-present enigma haunting my every thought. It makes me feel like a lunatic. Every cramp I get in my body makes me jump to conclusions that it is time to start labor. But it never really is. So I sit on the couch or lay in bed when I can and stare at my phone, reading facebook, twitter, news, playing crosswords and other games, or I read and/or watch tv online (Vampire Diaries sometimes, like a airhead teenage sorority girl.)

And then there is Nova, my three-year-old. Of course I am taking care of her too. But Brett's been doing more and more for her and me so that I can rest. But she is nevertheless my first priority. I try so hard to be a good mom to her and keep her happy and entertained. Do I even have to say that? Hope it is a non-issue. I think I will take her to Hop N Play today after lunch.

Secretly: I wish my Mommy were here. And Brett's Mom too. I feel like they could help so much getting this house in order and keeping Nova occupied and me sane. But my mom cannot come until absolutely the last minute. And Brett's parents won't come until my mom is leaving, so as to prolong our having people around to help out with the new baby. So I just wait. And feel a bit lonely doing it all by myself. Obsessing I mean. I am utterly alone in my obsessive mommy brain.